I am so incredibly stressed out by the work load I have decided to take on this semester. I'm regretting how many hours I have signed up for because with my work schedule being what it is, I know deep down that I can't handle this amount of work.
But, I have decided that at this point, 6 hours into my studying, I don't think I can take in any more information. I honestly don't think my mind can hold that much in one sitting. I'm drowning in the words of Criminal Justice that I'm reading. I have literally gotten tot he point that I am just skimming the pages and finding key words and hoping to GOD that I remember them. I think at this point, I should get at least a C on the test and that's good enough for me.
I wish more than anything that David could be with me right now. I know that his touch and the feel of his lips on my skin are really the only things that could calm me down and relieve some of the stress that has found a permanent residence on my shoulders. But, like always he's at work right now. This "third shift" of his is killing me little bit by little bit. I cannot stand going to bed alone every night, yet I do. I cannot stand him being a sleep while I'm awake or vice versa, yet I do. I miss him with every ounce of my being and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I think it's the feeling of helplessness that I can't stand the most. The fact no matter what I do, his schedule, nor my schedule will change. NO matter how bad I want it to.
Sure, he's looking for a new job. But how long will it take for him to find one, get an interview, and start that new job? He hasn't even started the looking process because he can't. He barely has the time for me let alone looking for another job with his current schedule the way that it is. He work 7:00pm-7:00am 5 days a week. He has two days off and one of those days he spends sleeping or literally so sleep deprived that he becomes a different person. Lost in his mind, or grumpy from lack of sleep.
I am falling hard for him, and I want to prove to him that I can stick this out and that we'll make it through this, but it's getting harder day by day and honestly, I don't know how much more of the being away from him I can take. But, if I leave him how will that solve anything? It won't, cause it'll just take away those fleeting instances where I see the real him and revel in his presence.
This is life, and I'm gonna live it.
