I've decided

I've decided I have something that's worth writing about. Something, that for some reason, is screaming to get out.. I've decided that I'm going to write something inspirational. Something that will help you guys get through that tough time. I've done it, so I know you can do it.

I know this time is terrifying. Being alone is a scary thing. I don't know if it's so much the being alone, or if it's the fact that you're scared of yourself. Don't tell me you're not, because I thought that same thing.. I thought "how can someone be scared of themselves?" well it can happen. I was scared of myself..

I didn't know how to be alone with myself for a while, I hadn't been alone with myself in a long time. I wasn't comfortable listening to my own thoughts. I couldn't sit alone for longer than ten minutes and if I did, I was either listening to music or watching tv. That's not really being alone.

Being alone is being able to sit with yourself in the middle of a cafeteria in the midst of  a lot of people and be okay with sitting alone. Not checking your cellphone, but actually sitting and eating your food and enjoying the aloneness.

It's going to the movies by yourself. Going out to a bar or club by yourself without any intention of meeting someone and instead dancing by yourself without anyone else, just swaying to the beat and enjoying the rhythm as it overwhelms you.

It's not hard, after the initial shock of it all. Just remember, you have to do this. You CAN do this and you will learn about yourself in the midst of all your thoughts and emotions. Feel free to cry a little or maybe a lot. Hum to yourself, talk to yourself even. Don't let the opinions of others sway the way you want to spend your time with yourself. It's perfectly fine and who cares what they think anyways, you'll probably never see them again.

Remember, it does not count if you believe in yourself when it's easy to believe in yourself. It does not count if you believe the world can be a better place when the future looks bright. It does not count if you think you're going to make it when the finish line is right in front of you. It counts when it's hard to believe in yourself, when it looks like the world's going to end, and you've still got a long way to go. That's when it counts. That's when it matters the most.

Even in this hard time, you will make it through. You have to believe in yourself, otherwise you won't. 

The truth that many people don't understand, until it's too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer. because, the smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to the fear of being hurt. 

So here's some advice for you, learn from your past. Mistakes, errors in judgement, flaws you failed to see. Learn from every experience. What has torn you up and what about? Don't let it happen again. Don't make the same mistake twice, don't ignore the signs. Just follow your mind and your heart, and learn from what life throws at you.