Ahh, Summer Time

It's weird, living in your college town during the summer. I mean think about it, you come here to go to school and that's it, but when you live here it's different. This is now your town. Your life is here now, the only thing back home are a few friends and your family. And If you're like me, you don't really want to go home because you risk the chance of seeing your ex-boyfriend.

Even thought I'm happy, and even though I hate to admit it, he still takes a toll on my mind every now and then. I do think of him, and how he's doing and if he's happy. But I don't want to talk to him, and I don't want to hear about him or whether or not he's dating someone or anything like that.. I just wish him well.

This summer holds a crazy amount of potential to be wonderful. I'm hoping and praying that it will turn out to be everything that I hope it will. I have plans, and work, and a boy. This boy is turning my world upside down. It's fantastic. I never thought I would feel like this again, I never thought I would experience butterflies when someone kissed me again, and I have with him. It's amazing and terrifying at the same time. Because with everything he already knows about me, he has the ability to break me, and he knows it. But I honestly think I have the same ability to do to him and I think he knows it as well. I don't know about him, but I'm falling hard and fast like I usually do but this time is different. I don't know how, but it is. I can just tell.

It's completely insane the effect he has on me. He drives me crazy in the most incredible ways and I honestly cannot get enough of him, I just hope I don't annoy him. I hope that I have the same effect on him. I hope he likes me just as much as I like him and this confusion is starting to bother me a bit, but I'll be patient and let him come to me. I will be here for him through whatever. I will. I'm his, and he makes me really happy. He's mine. It's perfect.

This is life, and I'm gonna live it.

This is Complete Bullshit

#fiftyshadesofdonewiththissemester
I am so incredibly exhausted, that I honestly do not know how I am continuing to live at this point. I'm annoyed by everything and all the Biology that I am studying is not even sticking in my mind anymore. I literally cannot look at my notes anymore because they look like nothing but hieroglyphics. I am incredibly thankful for Zeb tonight for helping me retain my sanity. Without him, I would have had a complete breakdown by now considering I've been studying biology for over 6 hours now.

I have my last final exam in lest than two hours and I have been awake since ten yesterday morning. Not to mention, I'm running off of four and a half hours of sleep because of the fact that I didn't go to sleep that night until 5:30AM because my boyfriend was over and you know what that means... He is such a bad influence on me, but I love it. At least I know I have responsibilities and I see them through, just not always in the best possible manner for me. Oops, oh well.

They say that college is supposed to be the best years of your life, but I have yet to see that aspect of these past two years and the three to come. I have constantly been over-stressed, lacking sleep, over-intoxicated, and malnourished. Over-stressed, from all the school work, having to maintain high grades, and work for a living because I don't have the luxury of my parents paying for everything unlike some people I know. Lacking sleep, because honestly with my schedule, who has time to sleep? Over-intoxicated because every moment I get, I try to sustain a healthy social life and in college, that means PARTY! Malnourished, because with my pay check and tips, it's still not enough to pay the bills, pay for my rabbit, pay for my gas, and maintain healthy eating habits.

The struggle is real. College life is no stroll in the park. I don't know how society expects us to make it through this alive. Now that I'm close to the end of finals, meaning I have ONE MORE FUCKING TEST TO GO, I feel like I'm crawling out of a cave of textbooks and online notes. I am literally crawling/stumbling to the finish line and I can already taste pina colada on my lips, and feel the sun hitting my skin as summer is seriously right around the corner. I'm so excited it's unreal.

I am expecting this summer to be full of love, fun, alcohol, works, sleep and just some good ol' fashioned relaxation. Even though my summer starts today, right after my 8AM test, it cannot get here soon enough. I'm so ready! Summer 2013, I have high expectations for you, please live up to them..

-Much love.

This is life, and I'm gonna live it.

bleh

School is killing me.
point blank.

& hash tags are taking over my mind...
we had a little bit of a crazy time tonight studying.

This is life, and I'm gonna live it.

So Incredibly Done with School

So, as I sit here with Zeb Ott, studying for some of my final exams that are coming up next week... I have come to the conclusion that I am so incredibly sick and tired of school. I wish with all that I am that I could take a semester off to work and save up some money so I could concentrate more on school in semester I return than on making money to live and eat and survive and make sure my rabbit has food as well.

We are both to the point that we just want to say, "FUCK THIS!" to every single class we are studying for, drop out, and live off the damn land. I'm in desperate need of keeping my Hope Scholarship if I want to continue with school and I am dangerously close to losing it with my grades this semester. I'm just praying to at least PASS my class this semester. After spring break my brain went to jello and hasn't returned to a stable learning state yet. I just have so much going on. I have 15 hour school weeks not to mention 30-40 hour work weeks and it's beginning to literally kill me, mentally and physically. I am drained constantly and it's so hard to stay on top of it all, not to mention I have a boyfriend I am juggling now too. I don't understand how colleges expect us to take these class loads and then work for a living on top of it all and graduate within four years. It's friggin' impossible. They make college incredibly expensive and unless your mommy and daddy can afford to pay for every single thing you need, a girl's gotta work to live, try to go to class, and keep her grades up ALL while eating and trying to get some sleep and some of a social life and feed her rabbit. Not to mention, if you don't get at least your bachelor's degree there is no way in hell you'll be able to be successful in the future. Even now, it's hard to get a job with a bachelor's degree more and more companies and careers are requiring you to go even further in your education and get your masters or doctorate's. How in the world do they expect you to be able to afford all this fresh out of high school? Society is insane.

I am drowning in stress, in school work, and in my job, yet I continue to get distracted because I just don't want to do this studying or work. I want to make money so I can stop stressing so much about not having it and then go into more studying but I highly doubt my parents will go for that. Unless I can convince my mom into saving for a semester and then going back. It might work.. who knows. I'll have a conversation with her about it soon.

anyways here are my main distractions for the night:
WARNING: they are hilarious!

40 'Mean Girls' Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living

You must watch the video, and read every single quote. By the end of each of these, I was crying from laughter.

This is life, and I'm gonna live it.

Perfection

per·fec·tion  

/pərˈfekSHən/
The condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

Isn't perfection what the everyone strives for? There's no such thing though, and it's relative to the person. Although my life is a little hectic, and chaotic, and at times, stressful, I wouldn't change it for the world. Everything is falling into place and it couldn't be a more opportune time for it. So yes, I'd say my life it perfect right now. Let me list out everything that is going good:
1. New Job (I roll in money EVERY TIME I work)
2. New Boyfriend (he's amazing. he makes me super happy)
3. New Boyfriend about to start at New Job (I got him and his brother new jobs)
4. Schools' almost over for summer (I really need to check up on my grades)
5. Old friends are coming back into my life

I don't think I could ask for anything more at the moment. Maybe to see my family and boyfriend a little more.. but that's okay. I'll see them soon enough.

I am so incredibly happy lately that even a co-worker said something to me the other day. Devin, our bartender, came up to me and asked me how my new relationship was going and of course I told him that it was doing fantastic and he said "I can tell, you kind of have a glow about you lately." That tells you how happy I am. I'm so happy and smiley all the time that I'm glowing. A little weird, but cool. My life couldn't be any better at this point and I am so incredibly thankful and grateful for all of this good that's been happeninf to me. Now.. if only I can save up enough, Michael and I are going on a cruise in October for my 21st birthday!

This is life, and I'm gonna live it.

Falling Into Place

Isn't it incredible how fast things can change? How quick your feelings for someone develop or dissipate?

Just three short months ago, my world came crumbling down, or at least I thought it had. My long term boyfriend, the one I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, broke up with me. I was hurt, and broken and thought that I would never recover from it.

I did. I've become stronger and happier. I've decided that I'll never be broken like that again. I've also learned that it was meant to happen. I'm glad it did, even though I've lost someone that was once so close to me, I've learned to be a better person from that experience. I've also learned that we've changed. The people we once were no longer exist. I think we've grown apart and are heading in completely different directions away from each other and that the distance was just too much for us.

I've learned that the old saying, "Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together," is true. I thought my world had ended but in reality, a new beginning had started. A month later, I started hanging out with Michael and started forgetting about my feelings for Alex. We have a little bit of a past, but nothing ever amounted to anything and I liked him last year and had to walk away from him. Well, we rekindled things and it was immediately different than last year. Emotions were stronger and developed fast for each other. Now, just two short months later we are dating, and happy. He tells me things he hasn't told anyone and he really enjoys spending time with me and I really enjoy spending time with him and I know that eventually I'll be able to share things with him that I haven't trusted anyone else with. Sure, we'll have our differences and things to work through, but I think we can do it, and I think we'll become something incredible. I now have a new job serving at the Ruby Tuesday in Newnan and I'm still going to school at the University of my dreams.

I am at a fantastic point in my life, and it seems like things are just falling into place so easily now. So, maybe Alex breaking up with me was a good thing. Actually, no, I know it was a good thing because it's absolutely incredible how happy I am right now. I haven't been able to stop smiling in days. I'm so giddy with joy it's like I'm a little kid again.

Before, I know I was in a depression. And I hate to say this, but I'm beginning to think that being with Alex was putting me in it because ever since Michael and I started talking, I have not had one of those days or an episode yet. Being away from Alex, and wanting to be with him and being so lonely here took its toll on me. But now, I'm so happy it's not even funny. I smile constantly and I don't have days where I can't move out of bed or feel sad and break down for no reason. Michael has really helped me and I'm extremely thankful for him.

I'm really excited to see where things will take me. Michael and I have already decided that we're going to Disney world soon because he's never been. Time to start saving and get really excited!

This is life, and I'm gonna live it.