It still wasn't enough, I am NEVER enough for him. EVER. Another two years of my life are gone and now I have to recover from him again. For the second time.
If you've even had the wind knocked out of you, you know exactly how I feel right now. I can't breathe and I feel like I'm going to puke every other five seconds. My eyes hurt because I've been pouring tears out of them for the past few hours and to top it off I'm having to put a fake smile on and act like everything is okay because I'm babysitting.
I hurt like hell. I can't think straight I can't even talk because I start crying again. Every time I look at my arm I think of him now because we have matching tattoos. I thought we were going to get married, have kids, grow old together.. guess happiness just isn't in the cards for me.
I know I'm stronger than this, any other day I would be, not today. Today, I'm broken. I hurt. And the tears start streaming down my face again. My heart aching in my chest, my breath quickening because I can't take a deep breath without sobbing. My make-up has smeared down my face and I've gotten pale. It's not hard to see that there is something seriously wrong with me. I can't talk about it though, every time I do I start to cry harder and nothing makes sense.
I've let this guy destroy me for the second time today. And he has the nerve to say this:
"All I ask is you don't hate me. For I don't hate you for the wrong you have done to me."
You're kidding me right? You just broke my heart for the second time in my life time and expect me not to hate you.. I can't promise you that right now. I'm in too much pain, but I tell you what, I will never let you do this to me again. I have been broken by you for the last time. I hope you don't expect me to come back to you, because I honestly don't think I can.
This is life, and I'm gonna live it.
http://seekingserotonin.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/for-meghan/
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