Overflowing

My thoughts are over flowing tonight for reasons I cannot even begin to explain. Not because I do not know how, but because I do not know why. I feel as though I just need to write, to express myself but I don't know what to write about. I don't have any tangible thoughts, no processes that need to be explained or thoughts that need to be heard. I just feel the need to mindlessly type out words that have no actual meaning that have nowhere to go.

Words destroy our thoughts. Something that seems so infinite is brought down to merely life size with words. Think about it. The word "love" to us that ONE word means so much, but to other cultures and languages it means only one concept and there are multiple forms of that one concept, multiple words.Such as the "love" of a mother or a "love" of an object or "love" of a friend. So why does the English language not have the same? Why is this infinite concept reduced to one puny four letter word?

My thoughts cannot escape me tonight because the right words are not coming to me. My thoughts are about everything and nothing at all at the same time. I've never had this problem when I comes to writing my feelings and emotions, I normally know exactly which word to use and where I should use it and what for. Tonight, though, that usual knowledge evades me. It seems as though I have a lot on my mind, but really as I sit here and think about it, I don't. Is the reason I can't find words to describe this, because I do not know exactly what I'm thinking about to begin with? I do not have a clear concept about what is going on in my head right now.. Is that why I can't find words to describe my thoughts, words that normally fit like pieces in this never ending puzzle that I do not know the picture of?

Swami Vivekanada says, "We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far."


So, if my thoughts are of nothing and have no clear focus, am I that? Or is it just that my thoughts have manifested themselves in action that I have taken and the path I have pursued and now I'm lost? I thought I was finding the end of this maize. No, I know I'm on the right path. I'm better than I was last year. I'm a better person. I've began to humble myself and look at things in a new light. To look at the world and people differently. To not be so shallow and to not think of myself and only myself. To care about others more and the way they feel. I've learned to control myself and my impulses. To think of things before I do something. So why is it that tonight my thoughts confuse me? Why is my mind so restless? Why does it seem like what comes next is such a mystery when recently it's been so clear? Am I at the end of the path I was trying to find? Is it time for me to start a new journey and travel down a path not taken and see where that leads me? Is it time for me to take the next step in the journey of life? But what is that next step? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.