I've been home since Sunday afternoon, and I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon. Well, being the stupid girl that I am, I had Alex come over to spend the night with me two nights in a row. I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm realizing, that yeah, he means a lot to me, but I think I might be done. Like, we've been through too much. I'm tired. I am tired of being in a relationship. I'm tired of the stress of being away from someone while I'm at school. I'm tired of having to make someone else happy, when I'm having a hard enough time making myself happy.
I hate being home, but at the same time, I might have needed this. I needed to see where my head was. I have been out of my mind with boredom, but I've gotten a lot of thinking time in. It's helped my realize some things. Maybe some things I didn't really want to realize, but all the same, it's been a good thing.
I'm realizing that I'm happy on my own. I like being by myself. I like being away from the stress of having a spouse. I'm too busy to have anything serious. It's not like I'm completely against relationships, but I'm definitely not looking for one. I'm not looking for anything, but if something were to happen, I might go for it.. I don't know. I just know that I'm done running, yet, I'm not looking for anything. I think I'm just gonna sit still for a while and be happy.
This is life, and I'm gonna live it.
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