Realization

So, I realized today that I totally do not need a man in my life (except for my daddy, every girl needs one of those)..

I realized that I am the happiest I've been in a long time. I realized that, even though I hate to say it, Alex was right. I wasn't happy in that relationship because he was unhappy and I think in my unconscious I knew he was unhappy but I just didn't want to admit it.

I mean shit, I've got a lot going for me right now. I'm in college, working towards the degree that I've wanted since I can't remember and I'm working my ass off to make my life better in the future. I've got great friends when I actually have the opportunity to hang out with them and I've got two pretty amazing jobs. Hopefully God will bless me with a summer camp job over the summer. The one I've been praying about, at Camp Woodmont. That would be such a fantastic way to spend a summer.

I'm doing well in school and at my work and with babysitting, why on Earth would I possibly need or even want a man for that matter. I'm fine on my own and I've got my bunny and great friends to keep me company. I love my life, honestly I don't think at this point that I'd have it any other way.

Honestly, Sometimes there are people who come into your life and leave a permanent mark. They paint your soul different colors and change the way you see the world. And when they leave, you realize that somewhere along the way you lost yourself. You don't even know who you are anymore, because they made you into something completely different. I don't miss him, I miss myself. I thought I knew myself, and I did before he came back into my life. I didn't realize that I was missing this person. This strong independent person. This girl who push through so much shit, this girl who is her own superhero. I am so much stronger than I made myself out to be.

I feel fantastic. My heart isn't really achy any more and I'm okay with being by myself. His name and the memory of him doesn't hurt any more. I'm surprised by how easily or fast that I go over him, but at the same time I feel good. I know we weren't in a healthy relationship and I know we were unhappy. It looks like we both are now, so this had to have been for the best. I hope he has a good life and accomplishes everything he wants to.

This is life, and I'm gonna live it.