I'm not a pathetic person. I'm being pathetic. I'm stronger than this. Much. So why am I not acting it? I need to get out of this funk. I can put this behind me. I'm a strong, powerful, intelligent woman. I need to act it. Can I? I so can.
I'm empowered to be stronger than ever before. Can I do this again? Become hard again? Not let anyone in again? I don't know if I can or even if I should. I shut everyone out for so long. It's not healthy. I cannot do that again. I just need to keep him out. Right? Can I do that?
But his smile lights up a room. It makes me smile. So how do I not smile? How do I shake it off? Act like I don't care. Can I do that? Put on a hard exterior but still be mush on the interior?
What am I thinking? I'm pouring my heart out on paper and honestly I need to pour it out to him. How do I do that? It's easy to talk to him, but not about my feelings, my heart, my soul. He's really one of the only nice guys I've fallen for and yet he's not available. Why do I do this to myself? He just makes me happy. So do I deny happiness and wallow in misery? But, misery loves company so, who will I bring with me?
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