Wandering

I hate when my mind wanders because it always wanders to him. I hate thinking about him because I know I can't have him and I get this horrible feeling in my gut because I know I just can't help it. I can't help but think about him. I wish I could. I wish I could think of anything but him, and I can't.I thought I was stronger than this, I thought I could handle being his friend and not showing that I'm completely infatuated with him, I thought I could be around him and not want him as mine.

I think the fact that I can't have him does play a role in all this but what scares me, is that I think after the chase is over I might still want him just as bad. For now, I'm going to tough it out, stick it out, be his best friend and hopefully he'll see that he belongs with me. Hopefully, he'll figure out that I'm here, I'm always around, I'll always be here for him and that she can't.

Why can't I get over this? Why am I so head over heals for this boy? Why can't I just move on like all the rest? Why am I so stuck on him? and, Why can no one answer these questions for me? Not even myself? Seriously, what can't it just be, "I like you" and "I like you too. let's be something. Something fantastic and wonderful and happy and glorious?" Something beautiful? Just me and him?

I can't just drift away from him, I can't get on with my life and not give you a second thought. When he kissed me that night, walking away stopped being an option.