September 11, 2012

This day holds so many horrible memories for so many people. My heart goes out to them. To the families who lost people and to the fire and policemen that were lost. Eleven years have passed and for them not a day goes by that they do not think about that horrible day and each year we remind them on the same day.

I had a horrible incident that happened to me on this day in 2009. Alex and I broke up for the first time. It destroyed me. I was so broken for so long and I had to harden myself to him so much that I'm scared I can't let him back in. It still hurts to think about that time. That's how I know I'm not over it. I'm still hurt. I still don't know how to fix it, but for some reason, I think I'm doing something right.

Being alone for a while is good for me. I'm learning about myself. Things I didn't know about myself. It's fantastic. I haven't been this happy in a long time. It feels so different, so new. I feel like I shine, like I have a glow about me. Like I'm unstoppable. Empowered, Energetic, Fantastic.

Although, it's such a singular word there are so many variations of alone. There is the alone of an empty room. There is the alone of being caught in a throng of people. There is the alone of missing a particular person and there's the alone of being with a particular person and realizing you're still alone.

I am going to give you a piece of advice, advice I wish I'd been given in guidance class back in high school in between the don't-do-acid and don't-drink-and-drive films. I wish our counselors told us, "When you grow older, a dreadful, horrible sensation will come over you. It's called loneliness and you think you know what it is now, you don't. Here's a list of the symptoms and don't worry - loneliness is the most universal sensation on the planet. Just remember one fact, loneliness will pass. You will survive and you will be a better human for it.

Take chances, A LOT of them, because honestly, no matter where you end up and with who, it always ends up just the way is should be. Your mistakes make you who you are, You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always be you and be okay with it.

So I'm going out there, and I'm going to do the best I can. People are going to get in my way. Things are going to bring me down but, I'm going to keep going. I'm going to reach as far as I can, for everything I've ever wanted. I'm not giving up because that's what you do when your dreams are more important then your fears you go out there and ignore the odds. You focus on one thing that your dreams come true.

You've got to push to learn to push through the hard times, because you have to face them. Running from them now, will only make you too tired to fight through when they catch up to you later.